“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me.
Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real
rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced
rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep
company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-30
MSG)
The day of the
ultrasound was the day it all started to unravel. Gradually I was able to grasp
at the bare threads of what I had called my faith and cover the nakedness of my
reality for a few more months.
And then the preacher
said there was a plan. That God had a plan for every one of our days before we
ever drew a breath. Even for this? For me? For her?!
That was the end of
religion as a philosophy, as a way of life for me.
Unravelled.
I had experienced
God's presence in my life at critical moments. Junctures of crisis. At my dad's
deathbed. Through smokey, sweaty, drunken attempts to fill the aching void. At
my first pregnancy's porcelain funeral. In front of a lonely post-partum sink
full of dishes.
But, then, here was
this precious, fragile, fiery bundle of life with endless unknowns who had
shattered the boundaries of what I thought I had mastered as a mother.
Unravelled.
A placation, a
momentary salve from a Higher Power wasn't going to cut it this time. If He was
out there and could be found, I had to have real answers, even if they were not
what I wanted to hear.
At my invitation, He
made Himself known. Not how I expected. Not in my time. Beyond my dreams.
Some questions have
been answered
but not others.
I am still unravelled
but I am at peace.
I know I am not alone.
And more importantly, she isn't. I don't know yet whether He planned this for
her. I am less certain whether it would be good or bad if He did.
I've learned how to
hand the pain to Him, the struggle. How not to have to be in control. How to
rest in the uncertainty of life - both mine and hers. How to sign the spiritual
surgical consent form and that it's my choice. That there is no wrong question
to ask and that there may never be answers.
I've completely
unravelled.
And that's ok.
DISCLAIMER:
The article above was written by a guest blogger. The opinions and ideas written belong solely to the guest blogger. The RASopathies Foundation and Noonan Syndrome Foundation DO NOT endorse political candidates and religion or religious preferences.
This blog is provided for moral support purposes only. This blog is not a substitute in any way for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have learned from this blog.
The Foundation's do not recommend or endorse any specific tests, treatments, physicians, products, procedures, opinions or other information that may be mentioned in this blog. Reliance on any information provided by the Foundation, Foundation volunteers, staff or guest blogger/s is solely at your own risk. You should not rely on information you receive from or through the blog for any personal, medical or health decision, but should consult with a qualified professional for specific information suited to your family member’s case.
The article above was written by a guest blogger. The opinions and ideas written belong solely to the guest blogger. The RASopathies Foundation and Noonan Syndrome Foundation DO NOT endorse political candidates and religion or religious preferences.
This blog is provided for moral support purposes only. This blog is not a substitute in any way for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have learned from this blog.
The Foundation's do not recommend or endorse any specific tests, treatments, physicians, products, procedures, opinions or other information that may be mentioned in this blog. Reliance on any information provided by the Foundation, Foundation volunteers, staff or guest blogger/s is solely at your own risk. You should not rely on information you receive from or through the blog for any personal, medical or health decision, but should consult with a qualified professional for specific information suited to your family member’s case.
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