I was married to my husband for a few years and although our marriage was a stormy one, we were taking care of our first born son Lee together. I had suffered an ectopic pregnancy before getting pregnant with Lee. Dr’s weren't sure if I would be able to have any children as I had lost one of my Fallopian tubes and they could not tell whether my other tube was OK or not. We were really lucky to have our first born miracle. Then when Lee was eight months old I had a miscarriage. Just more stress to add to the already worrying Mum whose biological clock was ticking as I was already 31 years old. I wanted so much to have a sibling for Lee. On April fool’s day 1993 I found out that I was pregnant, so I got my wish and I was over the moon. Pity my husband didn't feel the same way. This only put more strain on our marriage and my husband caused huge arguments about not being able to afford another baby. For the following few months our marriage became really strained and my health wasn't good. I worried about my unborn child and the thoughts that were going through my head were not good. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to bond with my baby, but for now I couldn't do anything but try and see if I could salvage what was left of our marriage. I had to make a decision; after all I was responsible for my baby boys’ happiness, my unborn child’s health, and also my own well being. I was going to have the baby no matter what..
When I
was four and a half months pregnant my husband woke up one morning and told me
that he just wanted to be a part time dad. I knew things were bad but I never
knew that he felt that way, and of course I only wanted what was best for all
concerned, so I agreed to the split and he began to pack his bags. It was
devastating to think that he didn't want to be a family any more, but I wasn't
going to beg him to stay. I needed to be sensible, so I told myself that things
were going to be alright-- after all my kids needed me. Life had to go on. Life
as a single parent was difficult and daunting but I was so lucky that I had the
support from my parents, sisters and a few good friends.
The pregnancy had its ups and downs having recurring chest and kidney infections --I seemed to be on
antibiotics forever. Then late into the pregnancy I was diagnosed with asthma
and was given inhalers. At 7 and a half months into the pregnancy, on one of my
routine clinics, bloods were drawn. The results:I had protein in my
urine, my blood pressure was high and I had the most horrible headaches. These
were some signs of pre- eclampsia and my consultant wanted me to be admitted
ASAP. After my appointment I went home to settle Lee with one of his aunts and
collect my bag. I had no choice but to let my family share the responsibility
of my little man for a while as I didn't know what lay ahead with the little
one who was kicking inside me and causing so much disruption. As the next few
days passed I was becoming sicker. My head was pounding and some tests were
showing that my kidneys were not functioning properly so I was sent to another
hospital that had more up to date scanning equipment. There detailed scans of my
kidneys were carried out and it showed that my baby was lying on them but they
could not tell if there was going to be any permanent damage. They also
revealed that I was going to have a wee boy, but for now I had to keep the
surprise of gender to myself. As long as
he was healthy that was the main thing, or so I thought.
On the morning rounds a Dr whom I had never
met before told me that I would be staying until my due date, which was 6 weeks away. Oh! Boy I was not a happy bunny. No way, I couldn't believe
what I was hearing. I called my Mum with tears running down my face and talking
through the sobs. She tried so hard to calm me down but nope I was frustrated
and angry, after all I could not eat as there just wasn't room anymore. I was
crunching ice cubes and I was in a lot of pain. I couldn't even put a sheet
over my legs as I was leaking fluid from my pores when pressure was applied.
While on the phone my consultant popped his head round the corner and waved me
over. He then asked me did I want to have my baby in my arms tomorrow. Yes please I said, I was nervous but excited.
On the 26th October 1993 my labour
was induced. My water broke . I was advised to have an epidural as my blood
pressure was high and they would be able to have more control over it. My
labour lasted 6hrs 13 minutes and at last my second miracle entered the world.
My Mum was with me every step of the way and we both got such a shock when we
looked at my baby boy. He was blue, filled with fluid and was struggling to
breathe. In fact he looked just like his last scan photo that was taken only a
week before. After a quick cuddle he was whisked away so that the staff could
clear his airways. I didn't hear him cry so I knew that things weren't good and
I began to worry. A few minutes later they asked me if he had a name yet before
taking him to SCBU. I named him Connor John Robinson. He weighed 7lbs 3ozs
which was remarkable for being six weeks early. My Mum went with him to SCBU and on her return
I must have scared the living daylights out of her as I had my very first asthma attack as she walked through the door. Staffs were good and managed to
control my attack, but I had lost about four units of blood so I needed a blood
transfusion and had to stay in intensive care. I couldn't believe that he had
arrived and I was one happy and proud Mummy. During the night a Pediatric Dr
came to tell me that Connor had been moved to Intensive care and was in an
incubator and that he was being given fluids and antibiotics through an IV
drip.
AUTHOR
Lynda lives in Scotland. Lynda
is a full time caregiver to her son, Connor and her older son Lee who was
diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder at the age of 15. Lynda says she keeps
her sanity by studying at a college or adult community centre, performing voluntary
work. She likes to spend her free time drawing, painting or writing poetry. She
has had two of her poems published. Lynda remarks, “I have survived I think
because I have a very close knit family and they have always supported me
through the difficult times. They are my rock.”
Because of this her boys have a close knit relationship with their grandparents.
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